Where am I?

I was inspired by both my friend Raquel as well as my fiancée Blanca to get into Blogging. I also figured that I had so many daily adventures in my line of work that I could type them up and share them with everyone.

So for those of you who don't know, I'm an electrical engineer. I really am. I've got a piece of paper and a receipt for $70k that says so. I've also got a real shitty economy that I'm living in with a poor job market. As such, I'm currently working as a meter changer in Miami, FL.

"Gee, what's that? We're so interested!!"

Read on...

I go to your house, I knock on your door, and, assuming that you're home, I hit you with, "Hi, I'm with FPL and I'm here to upgrade your meter. Your power is going to go off for a few seconds and then come right back on. If you have any computers turned on in the house, please turn them off now." and before you get to ask me any questions, I'm running away from your front porch, grabbing my hand truck full of meters, and zipping around to your back yard to swap out your meter. I don't have time for questions! I get paid $2 per meter! So I go to your meter box, do the deed that usually takes about one minute, and leave for your neighbor's house.

I usually get assigned 60 meters a day. That's 60 people that I have the potential for meeting and smothering with my cold cut phrase every day. Sometimes it's old ladies in the Haitian parts of town who don't speak a drop of English (OR SPANISH... coming from Vegas this was VERY weird for me!), sometimes it's paranoid white folks wondering if the "turn off your computers" line is me trying to find out if they have anything of value to steal in their homes. Sometimes, it's a stray dog that is running down the street who feels compelled to hump my leg while I'm between houses.

TODAY, my adventure just so happened to center around a dog. I went to the house, knocked, spit my line out, and was greeted by a little black lady with three kids all under 6 and her cold stare.

"Shit..." I thought, "She doesn't speak English..."

"ELECTRIC..." I said slowly, hoping she would figure it out.

"Ah... electric, yes!" She replied. Okay, at least she knew I wasn't delivering a pizza.

"OFF." I said while guillotining my own neck with my hand, trying to tell her I was going to shut it off momentarily. Unfortunately, they never understand momentarily and always understand I'm gonna cut your power, bitch!

After a few hand gestures, mostly me pointing at my imaginary watch on my wrist and then making an "itsy-bitsy" sign with my hand, she got the idea that it wasn't permanent. Then, I asked a very important question... "Do you have a DOG?"

Almost as if on cue, their dog showed himself at the gate I was trying to access. Think Chance from Homeward Bound... but on steroids... This guy was BIG... and he wasn't about to let me go in and change anything...

A few hand gestures later, I let the lady know I was going to change her neighbor's meter and then come back to change her's to give her time to put the dog up. After an uneventful swap next door, I came back to the house, changed the meter out in the back yard, and moved on to the next house with equipment in tow. When I get to the next house, I realize I'm missing one of my gloves...

We wear two pairs of gloves at work. The first pair is rubber insulating gloves that protect us from getting cooked on the live wires we're in contact with constantly. Those guys are worth over $300 each. On top of that, we wear $60 leather gloves that protect the rubber gloves from getting torn. In other words, uh-oh...

After pacing back and forth for about 10 minutes, retracing my steps between Chance's house and the place I noticed I lost my glove, I figured I'd check Chance's house again. Unfortunately, I can't just walk in because the huge dog is back out in the yard. I knock on the old lady's door and she answers it like "YOU AGAIN!?" The end of the day is coming, I'm going to have to report out of the field soon and bring in all the equipment back to the warehouse. Yes lady, it's me again and I'm not leaving 'till I find my glove!

She answered the door with a two year old in army camos and corn rolls standing beside her. She rolled her eyes up, began walking out of the house to get Chance back into the house, and pointed at the two year old while shouting at me in broken English, "YOU WATCH HIM!!"

"uhhh... yeah I guess..."

Luckily, the kid didn't really do much more than to stare at me in what must have seemed to him like a space suit that I was wearing: helmet, face shield, safety vest, tools, etc.

After the lady put the dog up for the second time, I ran into the backyard again and surveyed the area I was working in and around while tracing the area I walked through. Still no joy. I thanked the lady, ran back outside and continued skimming across her front lawn, the street, and the areas I had traversed, trying to find my overpriced glove. After another 15 minutes and a headache/stomach ache over the stress (because if we lose it, we pay for it!), I decided to take one last look inside Chance's yard, so I peeked over the fence, and wouldn't you know it... There it was, on the far corner of the backyard. A place I hadn't even walked CLOSE to when I was working.

That son of a bitch moved my glove!

I opened up the gate, made my way into the back yard, and "WOO WOO WOO!!!!" There was Chance, forming an equilateral triangle with me and my glove. He was let out again... It was time to bring it in to the shop and I wasn't about to mess with that old lady again. I pulled out my bite terminator and got to business. A "Bite Terminator" is a fancy name for an umbrella. We ware an umbrella on our belt in a cool swivel holster. It almost looks like a machete belongs in there but it's really an umbrella that, with one press, expands out completely to form a barrier between you and whatever is trying to bite you. With my shield in hand and pointing it towards my adversary, I boldly invaded his domain while he barked and threatened me from a safe distance. Apparently, dogs won't bite your legs if they can't see them and I just happened to be concealing them behind this umbrella!

I jogged in, grabbed my glove, and backed out briskly before Chance mustered the courage to attack my flimsy shield and maul me to death.

Victory!